AlterNet has an article called The Long Dive of a Woman’s Sex Drive. It discusses that recent studies show that women in monogamous relationships have a sex drive which decreases over time, whereas mens’ stays constant.
On the one hand, this should be no surprise. Men, in general, are much more obsessed with sex than women at virtually every age, place and time. As a man, though, it is still a disappointing statistic. Even in a committed, long-term, monogamous relationship, where we are having the last sex partners of our lives, women, on average, just aren’t that interested.
In the comments in the articles linked above, one sees a lot of variety. There is one women that wants the foreplay to begin in the morning so that just after dinner or so she “is ready”. Wha..? Nothing like a little 10-hour advance warning spontaneity, huh?
Then there is this moron:
As a couples therapist i am getting more and more cynical about monogamy working (especially for women). Is it my imagination but are men morons? I guess I am jaded but I don’t see much in the way of men who are good at multitasking-(father, husband, human being). Women always seem to get holding every bag there is (work, chores, kids, sex…) Men take responsibility for? moodiness.
Ummm, how is your couples therapy business going? Good thing you are not introducing any bias.
Let me be clear: I’m not saying there is anything “wrong” with women or that they have some duty to be fuck-monkeys their whole life. I’m merely stating that virtually all men wish their women would be interested in being fuck-monkeys their whole life. Sex is one of those things which is easy, not particularly time-consuming, it encourages emotional intimacy, it is good for the blood circulation and it makes men (and women) incredibly happy. It’s not a chore, it’s not work, it’s not some further duty on your already over-burdened life, its relaxing, recreational and a very special part of an intimate relationship. I just don’t get why, it seems at times, that men and women look at this so differently.
I’ll add, gratefully, that my wife does not seem to fit the statistic! I hope yours doesn’t, either.
lolife 
I agree entirely. I am (of course) writing from a male perspective and I know that men and women look at this stuff differently. What struck me about this article was that it was discussing long-term relationships, where one would think that issues of communication and intimacy would have been in the open for years.
I’ll let women speak for how men can make them happy. From men, I say to women, fuck your men often and well and they will be eternally grateful.
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I think you mention a chicken and egg scenario that women struggle with all the time — you said sex ‘encourages emotional intimacy.’ I believe most woman would see it in the reverse. Emotional intimacy encourages sexuality. I believe that men, and I hate to generalize, more often than not use sex to connect with their partners. Women, on the other hand, want an intimate connection (and intimacy doesn’t always mean ‘sex’) that leads to that shared sexual connection. I don’t live in this world any more. But I hear them talk–those darn women. And it’s a universal issue. Women love sex, provided they are hormonally capable of normal response. But for men it is a biological imperative. That biology can get in the way of the relationship requirements that women need to rev their engines, so to speak. Again, I hate to generalize. There are exceptions to every rule. But I think this is an age-old issue that wasn’t a real problem until women started asserting equal power across the board. Historically I think women were expected to be fuck monkeys. Now they are asking for their needs to be met, but perhaps they aren’t asking effectively. I mean–how do you have good sex? You provide direction around what works and what doesn’t and you get better every time. . .until you have your partner down (so to speak). So, can’t we have the same kind of communication around intimacy and emotional needs? Personally, I don’t think it is an issue of sexuality. I think it is one of communication. So the messages men hear are – women are stressed. women are resentful. women are tired. etc. I think there’s probably deeper issues at play and perhaps we shouldn’t choose to be monogamous until we’ve found a partner willing to sit through the toughest discussions and explore real, and equal, emotional intimacy. Who knows what could happen if one feels that safe in the relationship. Perhaps that is what you have with your wife?
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